Yes, we need this post.
When I ask teachers what brings them joy, they often have to think really hard—or worse, they come up with answers that sound more like avoidance than true joy. Coping strategies like tuning out to escape stress aren't the same as experiencing joy. My friends, that is not joy. Hence, this post.
What causes joy will differ from person to person, of course.
But the experience of joy—the feeling, the thrill—is often surprisingly similar.
Let’s start with what joy is not. Checking out to avoid emotions (whether it's overwhelm, stress, anxiety, loneliness, or anything else) is not joy. Example: Doordash and Netflix marathons? Those usually fall into the category of avoidance. I say this with a little pain, because yes—I also love to relax with a good meal someone else made and get lost in a kind-hearted British baking competition or a stunning Nat Geo polar bear documentary. And relaxation can be joyful.
But here’s the key: the action should spark joy. I’m talking center-of-the-cinnamon-roll, Danxia landforms, your-song-playing-in-the-club, Hail-Mary-touchdown joy. If you find yourself frequently tuning out, shutting down, or disconnecting, know this: there is something far better out there for you.
As you move through your day, take note of what captures your admiration. Let go of jealousy—it has no role here. Jealousy is just a symptom of the myth that there's not enough to go around. Instead, notice what you’re drawn to. Appreciate it. Tell yourself: This is something I like. This might bring me joy. Then go try it.
Trying it out can be the hardest part. You may have to push through that “I’m tired and have errands” mindset. The truth is, your memorized behaviors—your default patterns—need to be consciously rewritten. If your habit is to come home and slip straight into your pajamas, you’ll need to do the work of creating new routines.
Another challenge: access. Sometimes joy requires getting creative. You can start small... or not. Jen Sincero once wrote about driving to a neighborhood she loved but couldn’t yet afford, just to walk around, take it in, and let herself feel what it would be like to live there. That act built belief—and belief creates a path. (Spoiler: she found a way to live there because she built the belief.)
I know there’s a lot here. We've covered how to recognize joy, how to spot what isn’t joy, how to find your own joy, and how to start unlearning the habits that keep you stuck.
My next post will be all about ditching old habits and building new ones. But for now, know this: You are capable and deserving of a joyful, vibrant, abundant life.
Start noticing what lights you up. Pay attention to what you admire and desire. And every time that doubtful inner (or external -- I'm looking at you, Negative Nancy!) voice tells you it’s not for you—shut it down. We're not yet worried about the how. That part will come.
Right now, it’s about building your belief that things can and should get better.
