Why You Feel Like You're Never Going to Change (and why that is a lie you've bought into)

As promised, a post about change.

For some of us, even thinking about change is too overwhelming to attempt. For others, we might start the process, only to run back—hair on fire—toward the familiar, even if that familiar is harmful.

That’s because your subconscious is wired for protection, not transformation. It’s designed to maintain stability and preserve what’s known. Sudden or dramatic change? It hates that. And it’s incredibly effective at sending fear signals to steer you away from the unknown—kind of like those giant rock faces in Labyrinth:"Turn back! This is not the way! Take heed and go no further!" (If you’ve never seen the movie, I highly recommend a joyful night in with the brilliant, late David Bowie.)

Your subconscious isn’t interested in joy, growth, vibrance, or any of the other wonderful things we’re aiming for here. It’s interested in safety. And that’s a good thing—to a point. When it keeps you from leaping off rooftops or talking as though you've confused truth serum with your morning coffee creamer, it's a good thing. But when it keeps dragging you back to patterns that no longer serve you, it becomes the very thing standing in your way.

We’re not here to simply survive. We are interested in building joyful, vibrant, abundant lives. JVA, baby!

The truth is, your subconscious has been shaped by a lifetime of messages—from billboards and social media to the way your grandmother clears her throat at just the right (or wrong) moment. All of it teaches your subconscious what “normal” looks like. It loves that normal. It’s loyal to it. And again—that’s useful, until it’s not.

When your brain’s desire for stability is rewarded for too long, change starts to feel like the enemy. Ever tried to give up sugar, only to find yourself inhaling brownies topped with gummy bears at 8 a.m.? No? Just me? What about culture shock when the “vacation” vibe wears off after a big move? Starting marathon training and quitting by week two? Or implementing a shiny new strategy you picked up at a PD, only to quietly slide back into your old routines?Yep. That’s the subconscious at work.

Real change takes small, consistent action. No need for big, showy transformations—unless that’s your style. Just know: if you go big, your subconscious will freak out. It will throw every excuse, fear, and “maybe later” at you to get you back to your comfort zone. Just something to keep an eye on.

For the rest of us, small change works beautifully. You didn’t arrive where you are overnight—and change won’t happen overnight, either.

As James Clear points out in Atomic Habits, we often overvalue the big achievement moment and undervalue the small, seemingly insignificant actions that actually lead us there. But that’s where change lives—in the quiet, often-unnoticed choices.

For a marathoner, it’s not just about finishing the race. It’s the daily decision to lace up, stretch, warm up, and run. It's so easy to justify skipping just one day. Then another. Then a week. Before you know it, the dream fades, and you’re happily hitting snooze again, telling yourself marathons were never really your thing.

But here’s the good news: you’re not powerless. There are concrete steps you can take to make lasting change. Remember, you get to create the life you want.

This post is about what you’re up against. The next one will offer tools to help you move forward.

Until then, keep finding your joy—wherever and however it shows up.